Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
