i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
