I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
