At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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