and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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