Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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