Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
