Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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