An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
