we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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