drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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