We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
