I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
