Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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