I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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