It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
