i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
