I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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