Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
