Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
