Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize