she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
