Having a random hookup so left but love u
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
