9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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