i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
