umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
