So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
