I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
