Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
