she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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