so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
