She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
