Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
