Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
