i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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