u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
