i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
