hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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