I wish I could teleport
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
