Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
