I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
birth control should be required to get into college
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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