What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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