so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
