...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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