I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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