I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
