Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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