i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
