I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
