"it" just moved
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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