Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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