Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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