The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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