Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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