i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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