Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
