My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize