there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
