what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
