I'm lost and stupid without you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
