so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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