That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
