Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
