that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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