I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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