So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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