Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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