You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
