in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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