There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
this hospital has no fireball
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
