His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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