i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
