Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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