Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
