Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
